Joy In The Most Unlikely Circumstances

The first song I ever wrote was called "Joy Will Come Again" back in 1999, I believe. It was a faith song because when I wrote it I had absolutely no joy in my life. It was all about how someday I would find that joy in Jesus.

It took 11 years, but I have found the joy of the Lord that I believed would come. The song should have been titled "Joy Will Come" because how could I have it again when I really never had it to begin with. I don't think I ever knew what joy was until this last year.

I may have had moments of happiness and definitely moments of escape from suffering, but joy is something else entirely. Joy isn't just the grin I'd get on my face after getting drunk enough to not feel depressed for a couple of hours. Joy isn't the euphoria I felt when I experimented with the illegal drug known as Ecstasy. Joy isn't the feelings of being in love with someone because they like me enough to use me. Joy is so much deeper, so much more permanent and so much more fulfilling. Joy for me is my relationship with Jesus.

The Bible says that the joy of the Lord is our strength. Joy can give us strength! Strength to face hard, painful, unpleasant and good things. Strength to obey God and strength to trust Him and put our hope in Him, which He promises will not disappoint us.

In many countries joy is manifest in ways we Americans cannot even begin to fathom. A group of starving Africans dying of AIDS meet together to worship Jesus and they are singing and dancing and rejoicing. What is that? That is the joy of the Lord!

Who said that the joy of the Lord has to be a pervasive feeling of happiness and a lack of suffering? Not I. I find my most joyous moments come from a very deep and almost indescribable place inside me during the most unlikely circumstances.

I recently found myself in the ER at Saint Agnes hospital because I was suffering from extreme anxiety that was escalating into full blown panic attacks. It wasn't a new feeling, but it wasn't something I will ever get used to. I felt like I was in mortal danger and my fight or flight mechanism was fully activated, but I had to sit in a waiting room and act normal until someone could do something medically to help me. Was I feeling joy? No!!! I was very afraid! Did I have joy? Yes!!! I did!!!

In those moments in the ER some truths became very real to me. I whispered to my mom through some tears, "He endured the cross, for me, for the joy that was set before Him." I was speaking of Jesus. I realized that in my moment of extreme terrible fear I was not alone and He was feeling it with me. He was able to be with me, no matter how far away I felt He was, because He allowed future joy to give Him strength to endure a horrific, tortured death brought to a climax by the abandonment of His own Father. That revelation to my soul gave me joy in the midst of my intolerable fear.

Joy lives in the Spirit, I believe. Sometimes it overflows into the soul and we can feel it and enjoy it, but sometimes it is just a Truth that we hang onto like a life raft. Jesus is our joy and strength. Jesus is who makes all our suffering worthwhile. It is a privilege to share in His suffering. It is also a requirement in order for us to die to our fleshly desires and live for His. That is what I really want anyhow, but the process...the experience is not always pleasant, comfortable or easy. It is always worth it, though.

I wrote another song about 6 years later called "Nothing Compares". In it I describe how nothing we could face in this life, however horrible or wonderful, could compare to what is in store for us, who trust Jesus, in heaven. One line I added later was, " I find joy when the only thing that comforts me is to seek brokenness at Your feet." I began to find my joy while I was being disciplined by my Heavenly Father and I would fall before Him in utter repentance and humility and confession. I never felt comforted before that and that opened a door into a realm of joy I never knew existed. Yes, brokenness, the kind that creates relationship with my Creator and Savior and friend produces joy in me that no one can take away and nothing can compare to. It is eternal, unshakable and more fulfilling than any drug, drink or diversion from reality.

So, when I say I have the joy of the Lord and that it gives me strength I am in no way saying that I do not have days of grief, fear, disappointment, anger, sadness, exhaustion or even discouragement. What I am saying is that the joy of the Lord is an absolute truth, a piece of the fruit of the Holy Spirit in me that is always there for me to feast on. And so I do,and I am nourished and sustained to face another day no matter what challenge this life wants to throw at me.

Thank You, Jesus, for enduring the cross for the joy set before You that You now offer to me freely. I love You, Friend! I trust You, Father. I surrender to You, my King.