Do you know what I mean when I say I am an INFJ? I'm actually able to draw energy from being alone at times and from being with people at other times so I am actually an ENFJ also. The most obvious part of this is that I am an F. I feel everything. More powerful than even that is my intuition. It is so strong that more often than not I know how someone is feeling before they do and this gets me in trouble, a lot.
Honestly, I don't even know how to be with people, or without them. Life feels very uncomfortable right now.
I am still full of joy and hope and even peace, but I realize more and more that this world is not my home and I am seriously looking forward to my real home.
God have mercy on me and mold me into something useful for Your Kingdom because even with my best intentions I am making messes.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
This is for YOU!
HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND FOR 30 YEARS? I'VE READ THIS VERSE COUNTLESS TIMES AND I NEVER ONCE ACTUALLY BELIEVED IT. Yes, this blog is going to be somewhat of a sermon because I just can't keep this kind of Truth to myself. I am praying God will open your eyes and make you hungry for it so that you, too, can feast on what is right in front of you and be free.
2 Corinthians 4: 7-12 ( Don't quit reading now just because I'm quoting the Bible. This is the good stuff. Give it a chance for your own sake.)
"But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it will be evident that such overwhelming power comes from God and not from us. We have all kinds of troubles, but we are not crushed; we are perplexed, yet not in despair; persecuted, yet not abandoned; knocked down, yet not destroyed. We always carry in our bodies the dying of Yeshua( Jesus Christ), so that the life of Yeshua (Jesus Christ) may be manifested in our bodies, too. For we who are alive are always being handed over to death for Yeshua's sake, so that Yeshua's LIFE also might be manifested in our mortal bodies. This death is at work in us, but LIFE in you."
I could pick 20 subjects to highlight about this verse, but the one God made very clear to me this morning is in verse 11. ..."so that the LIFE of Yeshua may be manifested in our mortal bodies".
Can you see it? It doesn't say "so that the life of Yeshua may be manifest in our minds, our hearts or our spirits...it says our "mortal bodies". This is fantastic news for EVERYONE who has a mortal body and especially those who are aware of the weakness of their flesh.
Do you struggle with anxiety, depression, physical pain, emotional pain, mental illness, sinful desires, poor physical health? All of these things are symptoms of mortal bodies. Christ died so we could have victory over even our mortal bodies.
I'm not preaching about instant healing and lives without suffering. Read again verses 8- 10. We are guaranteed suffering in this life, but we don't seem to realize that we who trust Jesus with our entire beings have victory over it all because the power of our Enemy is stripped from him through the power of the Risen Savior.
Here is the hidden Truth that is not hidden at all. The Truth will set you free, but you have to feast on it and you have to believe it. You can read the Bible for 50 years and never have victory because you keep it all as intellectual knowledge and never actually put your faith it. Maybe we aren't desperate enough yet? When I got so desperate that I was literally going to die or go insane from my misery I realized I had to grab hold of the Truth if I wanted to live.
Please hear me! This is not easy. I am not saying it is easy. It isn't easy to hold onto the little life saver off the Cruise Ship when you've already been drowning for an hour and you're exhausted in every part of yourself and you don't even want to survive cuz you know the recovery won't even be easy. You'll have to cough up the poisonous sea water for hours, maybe days and you might end up with pneumonia. You'll be achy and soar from the over exertion of your body when you were trying to survive. You might vomit and come down with the flu, BUT YOU WILL LIVE. You won't just survive, you will be FREE. You will LIVE ABUNDANTLY and know joy you never thought was possible in this life.
Why do I believe this? I have lived it and am currently living it. Do you think its possible for everyone, but you? So did I! Do you think you just don't have what it takes to believe or hold on to the Truth? So did I! Sometimes I still feel that way. Yesterday, in fact, I felt that way. But its just a lie trying to keep you bound to your misery and pain. Cry out to Jesus. He has seen every tear, every ache, every heave of your sobbing heart. He has seen every tear you wanted to cry but couldn't because you're so numb and shut down. He has never abandoned you! He is still there calling your name asking you to grab hold. In fact, if you ask Him, He will give you the strength to grab hold. He will put that life preserver around you and you can give up completely so He can carry you to safety and nurse you back to health.
YOU ARE WORTH IT! Please don't reject it. Please don't reject Him again. He is your friend. He misses you. He weeps to be close to you and heal you.
I love you, whoever you are, because God has filled me with His Love and I just can't contain it anymore.
I am praying for YOU!
Please just consider. Try praying again. He is waiting to hear from you.
Jesus bless you always!
2 Corinthians 4: 7-12 ( Don't quit reading now just because I'm quoting the Bible. This is the good stuff. Give it a chance for your own sake.)
"But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it will be evident that such overwhelming power comes from God and not from us. We have all kinds of troubles, but we are not crushed; we are perplexed, yet not in despair; persecuted, yet not abandoned; knocked down, yet not destroyed. We always carry in our bodies the dying of Yeshua( Jesus Christ), so that the life of Yeshua (Jesus Christ) may be manifested in our bodies, too. For we who are alive are always being handed over to death for Yeshua's sake, so that Yeshua's LIFE also might be manifested in our mortal bodies. This death is at work in us, but LIFE in you."
I could pick 20 subjects to highlight about this verse, but the one God made very clear to me this morning is in verse 11. ..."so that the LIFE of Yeshua may be manifested in our mortal bodies".
Can you see it? It doesn't say "so that the life of Yeshua may be manifest in our minds, our hearts or our spirits...it says our "mortal bodies". This is fantastic news for EVERYONE who has a mortal body and especially those who are aware of the weakness of their flesh.
Do you struggle with anxiety, depression, physical pain, emotional pain, mental illness, sinful desires, poor physical health? All of these things are symptoms of mortal bodies. Christ died so we could have victory over even our mortal bodies.
I'm not preaching about instant healing and lives without suffering. Read again verses 8- 10. We are guaranteed suffering in this life, but we don't seem to realize that we who trust Jesus with our entire beings have victory over it all because the power of our Enemy is stripped from him through the power of the Risen Savior.
Here is the hidden Truth that is not hidden at all. The Truth will set you free, but you have to feast on it and you have to believe it. You can read the Bible for 50 years and never have victory because you keep it all as intellectual knowledge and never actually put your faith it. Maybe we aren't desperate enough yet? When I got so desperate that I was literally going to die or go insane from my misery I realized I had to grab hold of the Truth if I wanted to live.
Please hear me! This is not easy. I am not saying it is easy. It isn't easy to hold onto the little life saver off the Cruise Ship when you've already been drowning for an hour and you're exhausted in every part of yourself and you don't even want to survive cuz you know the recovery won't even be easy. You'll have to cough up the poisonous sea water for hours, maybe days and you might end up with pneumonia. You'll be achy and soar from the over exertion of your body when you were trying to survive. You might vomit and come down with the flu, BUT YOU WILL LIVE. You won't just survive, you will be FREE. You will LIVE ABUNDANTLY and know joy you never thought was possible in this life.
Why do I believe this? I have lived it and am currently living it. Do you think its possible for everyone, but you? So did I! Do you think you just don't have what it takes to believe or hold on to the Truth? So did I! Sometimes I still feel that way. Yesterday, in fact, I felt that way. But its just a lie trying to keep you bound to your misery and pain. Cry out to Jesus. He has seen every tear, every ache, every heave of your sobbing heart. He has seen every tear you wanted to cry but couldn't because you're so numb and shut down. He has never abandoned you! He is still there calling your name asking you to grab hold. In fact, if you ask Him, He will give you the strength to grab hold. He will put that life preserver around you and you can give up completely so He can carry you to safety and nurse you back to health.
YOU ARE WORTH IT! Please don't reject it. Please don't reject Him again. He is your friend. He misses you. He weeps to be close to you and heal you.
I love you, whoever you are, because God has filled me with His Love and I just can't contain it anymore.
I am praying for YOU!
Please just consider. Try praying again. He is waiting to hear from you.
Jesus bless you always!
Monday, February 22, 2010
A Prayer of Praise and Petition For the Suffering Saints
Jesus woke me up very early with this prayer on my heart for myself and the precious people at my local church and community. I just want to share it with you because although my hands typed it out and my voice spoke it out through a microphone the words are not mine, they are Jesus interceding for those He loves more deeply than we can imagine. I hope you are encouraged and ignited with passion to pray for those who may suffer in ways you don't understand and especially in ways you do.
Dearest Abba Father, Friend and Savior,
I want to bring before You all of us who are suffering today. I pray for all of us who are struggling mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I pray for those of us who are fighting for freedom from captivity to strongholds the enemy has held us in chains with for far too long. I pray for those of us who are grieving loss and longing for intimacy with You. Jesus, I praise You that You are our Deliverer. I praise you that You are our Victory. I praise you that You are our Healer and The Almighty Prince of Peace. I worship You for what You have done, what You are doing and what You will do in our lives because we love You and are called according to Your purpose. Your plans and purposes for us are not to harm us, but to give us a future and Hope in You. I praise You for Your immeasurable Love You lavish on us every day through your continuous forgiveness paid for by Your precious blood spilled from the cross of Your suffering. I praise You for the peace that surpasses understanding and the joy that gives us strength to face another day through the power of the Holy Spirit.
I pray for those who are suffering without the knowledge and assurance of Your Presence in their lives. Please reveal Yourself to them in personal and profound ways that they may receive Your Love and place their trust in You and find the freedom they've been searching for.
Thank You that You never leave or forsake us and for the freedom to worship openly in this country without fear of brutal persecution. Receive our worship now as a sweet smelling fragrance of our love and adoration for You and meet us where we are. Be our God and we will be Your people.
In the precious, Holy, Powerful Name of Jesus Christ our Messiah.
Amen!
Dearest Abba Father, Friend and Savior,
I want to bring before You all of us who are suffering today. I pray for all of us who are struggling mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I pray for those of us who are fighting for freedom from captivity to strongholds the enemy has held us in chains with for far too long. I pray for those of us who are grieving loss and longing for intimacy with You. Jesus, I praise You that You are our Deliverer. I praise you that You are our Victory. I praise you that You are our Healer and The Almighty Prince of Peace. I worship You for what You have done, what You are doing and what You will do in our lives because we love You and are called according to Your purpose. Your plans and purposes for us are not to harm us, but to give us a future and Hope in You. I praise You for Your immeasurable Love You lavish on us every day through your continuous forgiveness paid for by Your precious blood spilled from the cross of Your suffering. I praise You for the peace that surpasses understanding and the joy that gives us strength to face another day through the power of the Holy Spirit.
I pray for those who are suffering without the knowledge and assurance of Your Presence in their lives. Please reveal Yourself to them in personal and profound ways that they may receive Your Love and place their trust in You and find the freedom they've been searching for.
Thank You that You never leave or forsake us and for the freedom to worship openly in this country without fear of brutal persecution. Receive our worship now as a sweet smelling fragrance of our love and adoration for You and meet us where we are. Be our God and we will be Your people.
In the precious, Holy, Powerful Name of Jesus Christ our Messiah.
Amen!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
When No One Sees Me Fighting
One of the most difficult things about my Christian life is the feeling that people don't really know me. I do my best to communicate who I am to them through conversation, acts of love and encouragement, words of affirmation and service. I try to share my heart: both the struggle and the victories. I am willing to share my testimony with anyone who wants to know, but very few want to know, I feel, and even fewer really want to know the ugly details of the fight I've been through. Perhaps they feel helpless or overwhelmed by it or even triggered into memories of their past they are hiding from. I don't know. It just leaves me feeling isolated.
Its not all bad though because I am a very sensitive person so if they started dumping their life story on me I might feel the same way. It really is God's protection that keeps them from sharing as openly with me as I do, or want to, with them.
But sometimes I want people to know what life is like for me on my tough days. I want them to know that I am fighting the good fight. I am being obedient and standing in faith upon The Rock of Ages. I want them to join me in prayer and encourage me to keep fighting. I want to hear that they see I am doing my best and that it is good enough. I want to be encouraged the way I seek to encourage others. Maybe this is wrong. Maybe I shouldn't seek men's approval. Maybe I should just be satisfied with the voice of Jesus whispering to me in the midst of the battle, "I will never leave you or forsake you. I am your refuge and the lifter of your head. I am He who sees you and Loves you."
But, don't you ever just want to hear it from a fellow human? I'd rather hear it from Jesus any day, if I had to choose one or the other, but sometimes I need human arms to hold me and the physical tears of others to show me they see my pain and acknowledge I am fighting a winning battle. Sometimes I just want to hear someone say, "I'm sorry you were hurt so bad when you were a defenseless 5 year old little girl. I'm so sorry you have had to suffer and struggle so hard just to hang on to a faith that a raging enemy doesn't want you to even believe in."
I believe that is what the church is supposed to be for. We are supposed to fellowship with one another and pray and encourage each other. We are supposed to show love to each other so that when others look on they will know we belong to a God of Love by the way we love each other and them.
Last night when it was too late to text my prayer warriors and family my need for prayer I was forced to fight a very real battle with the enemy. The enemy consists of the world's attempted influence on me, the flesh I won't be completely free of until Jesus calls me home and the powers of darkness and their schemes. I was alone, isolated and afraid (as usual). I thought I was outnumbered and I would surely be defeated.
I got online and emailed my church for prayer knowing they wouldn't get the message until at least the next day. Then I checked my email. There was a message from a member of my church. It was a message of encouragement and a reminder of a man in the Bible named Gideon. He was also forced to fight a battle he felt ill equipped to handle. God told him He would be with him and that despite his being grossly outnumbered God delivered his enemy into Gideons hands. I grabbed my Bible and started reading about this Gideon I'd heard about before but never felt very connected to. Suddenly his story felt very real to me, so real in fact that I spent the next hour on my knees praying, crying out the God my deliverer and claiming His promises from across the thousands of years of scripture. It is full of hope for those in raging battles such as mine.
I put on the armor in Ephesians 6 and I cast my anxiety of Jesus petitioning Him for help and thanking Him for His Love and faithfulness as it says to in Philippians 4:6. I discovered a verse I'd never taken note of in verse 4, too, about rejoicing always in the Lord and letting my gentleness be evident to all. Suddenly the Holy Spirit flooded my mind with all kinds of scriptures and I began to pray them back to Him in a weeping declaration of victory over my defeated enemy. I'll have to blog about my view of Ephesians 6 sometime, but for now I just want you to know that God answered my cry for help. He fulfilled His promises and He gave me peace and the ability to sleep.
I may have been alone in my home, but I was not fighting alone and I was not defenseless. I know that Jesus was there with me and possibly a large gathering of angels with spiritual weapons I know nothing about. Most of all, I had the freedom to use the greatest weapon any of us has...The precious and powerful Word of the Living God. It is living and active and sharper than any two edged sword. We are so fortunate to have the freedom to own and feast upon these Holy Scriptures.
Don't ever wonder why I want to worship constantly. God is worthy and I know it. He is everything to me and I am completely dependent on Him for my every breath, my every joy, my every need and my every victory. I love Him in a way I never knew a human could Love. I need Him more than I ever knew a human could need.
Do you know this mighty warrior God who died to to make His power over the enemy available to you? I encourage you to seek Him out because He is the greatest gift, treasure and prize you will ever discover.
Jesus bless you always and may you come to know His massive, unending Love for YOU!
Its not all bad though because I am a very sensitive person so if they started dumping their life story on me I might feel the same way. It really is God's protection that keeps them from sharing as openly with me as I do, or want to, with them.
But sometimes I want people to know what life is like for me on my tough days. I want them to know that I am fighting the good fight. I am being obedient and standing in faith upon The Rock of Ages. I want them to join me in prayer and encourage me to keep fighting. I want to hear that they see I am doing my best and that it is good enough. I want to be encouraged the way I seek to encourage others. Maybe this is wrong. Maybe I shouldn't seek men's approval. Maybe I should just be satisfied with the voice of Jesus whispering to me in the midst of the battle, "I will never leave you or forsake you. I am your refuge and the lifter of your head. I am He who sees you and Loves you."
But, don't you ever just want to hear it from a fellow human? I'd rather hear it from Jesus any day, if I had to choose one or the other, but sometimes I need human arms to hold me and the physical tears of others to show me they see my pain and acknowledge I am fighting a winning battle. Sometimes I just want to hear someone say, "I'm sorry you were hurt so bad when you were a defenseless 5 year old little girl. I'm so sorry you have had to suffer and struggle so hard just to hang on to a faith that a raging enemy doesn't want you to even believe in."
I believe that is what the church is supposed to be for. We are supposed to fellowship with one another and pray and encourage each other. We are supposed to show love to each other so that when others look on they will know we belong to a God of Love by the way we love each other and them.
Last night when it was too late to text my prayer warriors and family my need for prayer I was forced to fight a very real battle with the enemy. The enemy consists of the world's attempted influence on me, the flesh I won't be completely free of until Jesus calls me home and the powers of darkness and their schemes. I was alone, isolated and afraid (as usual). I thought I was outnumbered and I would surely be defeated.
I got online and emailed my church for prayer knowing they wouldn't get the message until at least the next day. Then I checked my email. There was a message from a member of my church. It was a message of encouragement and a reminder of a man in the Bible named Gideon. He was also forced to fight a battle he felt ill equipped to handle. God told him He would be with him and that despite his being grossly outnumbered God delivered his enemy into Gideons hands. I grabbed my Bible and started reading about this Gideon I'd heard about before but never felt very connected to. Suddenly his story felt very real to me, so real in fact that I spent the next hour on my knees praying, crying out the God my deliverer and claiming His promises from across the thousands of years of scripture. It is full of hope for those in raging battles such as mine.
I put on the armor in Ephesians 6 and I cast my anxiety of Jesus petitioning Him for help and thanking Him for His Love and faithfulness as it says to in Philippians 4:6. I discovered a verse I'd never taken note of in verse 4, too, about rejoicing always in the Lord and letting my gentleness be evident to all. Suddenly the Holy Spirit flooded my mind with all kinds of scriptures and I began to pray them back to Him in a weeping declaration of victory over my defeated enemy. I'll have to blog about my view of Ephesians 6 sometime, but for now I just want you to know that God answered my cry for help. He fulfilled His promises and He gave me peace and the ability to sleep.
I may have been alone in my home, but I was not fighting alone and I was not defenseless. I know that Jesus was there with me and possibly a large gathering of angels with spiritual weapons I know nothing about. Most of all, I had the freedom to use the greatest weapon any of us has...The precious and powerful Word of the Living God. It is living and active and sharper than any two edged sword. We are so fortunate to have the freedom to own and feast upon these Holy Scriptures.
Don't ever wonder why I want to worship constantly. God is worthy and I know it. He is everything to me and I am completely dependent on Him for my every breath, my every joy, my every need and my every victory. I love Him in a way I never knew a human could Love. I need Him more than I ever knew a human could need.
Do you know this mighty warrior God who died to to make His power over the enemy available to you? I encourage you to seek Him out because He is the greatest gift, treasure and prize you will ever discover.
Jesus bless you always and may you come to know His massive, unending Love for YOU!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Please Forgive Me
The fact is, I can't control anything. I can't control how I feel most of the time, although I am learning to take control of how I react. I can't control other people and whether they like or dislike me. I can't control life circumstances to a large degree, though I can control my choices within those circumstances. Most of all, I can't control God. I can, however pray.
I am finding that I cannot stop praying. I am so desperate that I pray just about all day long. I would be alarmed by my desperation except for the fact that if it is driving me to "pray without ceasing" than I must be desperate for the One who Loves me more than His own earthly life. That is comforting in some way amidst the uncontrollable feelings of desperation.
We sing about this kind of desperation at church in a worship song called "The Air I Breathe". That is what I'm talking about. To be so aware of your utter helplessness without God to guide you. To be so in tuned with His heart that when you look at your own you see how much is lacking and how far you have to go. But, also, to see yourself through the blood of the only perfect sacrificial Lamb of God and know that in Him you are complete and lacking nothing and you have everything you need to live a Godly life. What is this dichotomy?
Is this what it means to give up our lives in order to find True Life? Is this what Christ meant when He said to deny ourselves and pick up our cross daily and follow Him? Is this what its supposed to feel like when we have the ability to move mountains based on a mustard seed's worth of faith. I'm not sure I even have a mustard seed's worth of faith, but I'm sure gonna pray for it.
No one ever told me how hard being a Christian can be. Somewhere along the line I thought it would feel differently. I thought I'd feel strong and that I'd impress people with my overflowing Love for Jesus. That isn't how it has played out.
I have failed more times than not. I have rebelled more than I ever thought I could. I have hurt people and let people down. I have disrespected my self and nearly destroyed my life. All this while I was claiming to be a Christian. Thank God He knew my heart and that I wanted to act like a Christian should. Thank God that He knew how hurt I was and why I was lashing out and misbehaving. Thank God He didn't give up on me when I deserved it. Thank God for the people who loved me through it all so I could heal and begin to become whole. There is so much to thank God for. Mostly, I thank God for Jesus.
Jesus is everything to me. He is everyone I need Him to be and everywhere I need Him to go with me. He listens to me for hours and hours, day after day, year after year..forever. He lets me be myself with Him. He lets me spew out the poison I feel and then He holds me while I cry about how hurt an angry and disappointed I am in life. Then He gently speaks His Truth into my heart and fills me up with joy, peace, hope and His Love. He makes me want to share my heart with others and what He has done in it. He makes me want to be everything He has made me to be. He makes me want to worship Him at every opportunity and in every circumstance. And I just can't get to the bottom of His Love for me.
He Loves me when I am ugly and act foolishly. He Loves me when I do silly things to embarrass myself. He Loves me when I'm drooling in my sleep and He especially adores me when in my attempts to please Him I get all wrapped up in legalism. Nothing I can do can separate me from His Love. NOTHING! NO ONE! NOT ANYTHING! I am Loved forever without condition.
This kind of Love makes me trust Him when I can't see Him, when I can't understand why I am suffering or why someone I care about is suffering. His Love causes me to trust when there is no earthly reason why I should. It is a supernatural trust that I couldn't even muster up on my own.
Being raped at 5 years old does something to a child's ability to trust people and it does even more to a humans ability to perceive and trust a Loving God. The fact that I believe in Jesus is a flat out miracle and testament to the power of Jesus Christ.
Maybe you have suffered in ways that cause you to doubt or even reject the idea that Jesus is real or that God is Loving and good. I don't blame you. I don't blame you if your ability to perceive Him has been marred by the tongues of those claiming to know and Love this God of Love while they judge and criticize you for your beliefs, or lack of. Maybe you have too many questions an too many doubts to make searching feel worth it anymore.
Can I just do one thing for you before you give up completely on this Jesus guy? Can I just say one thing and then I'll leave you to your own decision? I just want to ask you a question...just one.
Will you please forgive me?
I don't know you. I may never have hurt you intentionally, but it was definitely my sin that affected you in some way. I believe every one's sin affects everyone else. Besides that, I want to repent on my knees before you on behalf of everyone who isn't willing to ask your forgiveness for their sins against you. You are worth it!
Please forgive me as though I am the person who raped you, the child who rejected you, the friend who betrayed you, the spouse who beat you and abandoned you. Please forgive me as though I am the person who molested your child or you. Please forgive me as though I am the person who murdered your loved one, or stole your identity or anything that belonged to you rightfully. I stand in the place of the condemned criminal and ask for your forgiveness. I stand at the pulpit of a corrupt church and ask your forgiveness for manipulating you with scripture to further my career and swindle you out of your money in the name of Jesus heaping on the guilt. I ask your forgiveness as though I am the one who hated you because of your race, your sexual orientation and your political beliefs. I ask your forgiveness on behalf of every one of your worst enemies. I beg your forgiveness for the ways you have been hurt, abused and neglected without mercy. I beg your forgiveness for the ways you have hated yourself and wanted to end your own life. I ask your forgiveness for the one who did end it all and has left you to deal with the life left behind.
Forgiveness is impossible without the grace of God, for me. Forgiveness for such wicked and even subtle sins is not easily given because it hurts so deeply and takes root in our very identity.
Jesus died so that I could be forgiven and I could have the power to forgive others. He also allows me the privilege of asking forgiveness for the sins of others not because it can save them, but because it can open a door to the heart of the one offering forgiveness whether the person who needs to repent is wiling to do so or not.
I have no power to set you free from your pain, but Jesus does and He is knocking at your door hoping you will let Him in so He can Love you the way you've always been wanting to be loved.
Like I said earlier...following Christ is no easy road, but it is the most freeing, the most Truthful and the most fulfilling relationship I have ever had and I am in Love. I don't ever want to go back to the way it was. I just want to spend more and more time with the Lover of my soul and the Savior of my life.
May Jesus reveal His Love and power to you in every way you need it today.
I am finding that I cannot stop praying. I am so desperate that I pray just about all day long. I would be alarmed by my desperation except for the fact that if it is driving me to "pray without ceasing" than I must be desperate for the One who Loves me more than His own earthly life. That is comforting in some way amidst the uncontrollable feelings of desperation.
We sing about this kind of desperation at church in a worship song called "The Air I Breathe". That is what I'm talking about. To be so aware of your utter helplessness without God to guide you. To be so in tuned with His heart that when you look at your own you see how much is lacking and how far you have to go. But, also, to see yourself through the blood of the only perfect sacrificial Lamb of God and know that in Him you are complete and lacking nothing and you have everything you need to live a Godly life. What is this dichotomy?
Is this what it means to give up our lives in order to find True Life? Is this what Christ meant when He said to deny ourselves and pick up our cross daily and follow Him? Is this what its supposed to feel like when we have the ability to move mountains based on a mustard seed's worth of faith. I'm not sure I even have a mustard seed's worth of faith, but I'm sure gonna pray for it.
No one ever told me how hard being a Christian can be. Somewhere along the line I thought it would feel differently. I thought I'd feel strong and that I'd impress people with my overflowing Love for Jesus. That isn't how it has played out.
I have failed more times than not. I have rebelled more than I ever thought I could. I have hurt people and let people down. I have disrespected my self and nearly destroyed my life. All this while I was claiming to be a Christian. Thank God He knew my heart and that I wanted to act like a Christian should. Thank God that He knew how hurt I was and why I was lashing out and misbehaving. Thank God He didn't give up on me when I deserved it. Thank God for the people who loved me through it all so I could heal and begin to become whole. There is so much to thank God for. Mostly, I thank God for Jesus.
Jesus is everything to me. He is everyone I need Him to be and everywhere I need Him to go with me. He listens to me for hours and hours, day after day, year after year..forever. He lets me be myself with Him. He lets me spew out the poison I feel and then He holds me while I cry about how hurt an angry and disappointed I am in life. Then He gently speaks His Truth into my heart and fills me up with joy, peace, hope and His Love. He makes me want to share my heart with others and what He has done in it. He makes me want to be everything He has made me to be. He makes me want to worship Him at every opportunity and in every circumstance. And I just can't get to the bottom of His Love for me.
He Loves me when I am ugly and act foolishly. He Loves me when I do silly things to embarrass myself. He Loves me when I'm drooling in my sleep and He especially adores me when in my attempts to please Him I get all wrapped up in legalism. Nothing I can do can separate me from His Love. NOTHING! NO ONE! NOT ANYTHING! I am Loved forever without condition.
This kind of Love makes me trust Him when I can't see Him, when I can't understand why I am suffering or why someone I care about is suffering. His Love causes me to trust when there is no earthly reason why I should. It is a supernatural trust that I couldn't even muster up on my own.
Being raped at 5 years old does something to a child's ability to trust people and it does even more to a humans ability to perceive and trust a Loving God. The fact that I believe in Jesus is a flat out miracle and testament to the power of Jesus Christ.
Maybe you have suffered in ways that cause you to doubt or even reject the idea that Jesus is real or that God is Loving and good. I don't blame you. I don't blame you if your ability to perceive Him has been marred by the tongues of those claiming to know and Love this God of Love while they judge and criticize you for your beliefs, or lack of. Maybe you have too many questions an too many doubts to make searching feel worth it anymore.
Can I just do one thing for you before you give up completely on this Jesus guy? Can I just say one thing and then I'll leave you to your own decision? I just want to ask you a question...just one.
Will you please forgive me?
I don't know you. I may never have hurt you intentionally, but it was definitely my sin that affected you in some way. I believe every one's sin affects everyone else. Besides that, I want to repent on my knees before you on behalf of everyone who isn't willing to ask your forgiveness for their sins against you. You are worth it!
Please forgive me as though I am the person who raped you, the child who rejected you, the friend who betrayed you, the spouse who beat you and abandoned you. Please forgive me as though I am the person who molested your child or you. Please forgive me as though I am the person who murdered your loved one, or stole your identity or anything that belonged to you rightfully. I stand in the place of the condemned criminal and ask for your forgiveness. I stand at the pulpit of a corrupt church and ask your forgiveness for manipulating you with scripture to further my career and swindle you out of your money in the name of Jesus heaping on the guilt. I ask your forgiveness as though I am the one who hated you because of your race, your sexual orientation and your political beliefs. I ask your forgiveness on behalf of every one of your worst enemies. I beg your forgiveness for the ways you have been hurt, abused and neglected without mercy. I beg your forgiveness for the ways you have hated yourself and wanted to end your own life. I ask your forgiveness for the one who did end it all and has left you to deal with the life left behind.
Forgiveness is impossible without the grace of God, for me. Forgiveness for such wicked and even subtle sins is not easily given because it hurts so deeply and takes root in our very identity.
Jesus died so that I could be forgiven and I could have the power to forgive others. He also allows me the privilege of asking forgiveness for the sins of others not because it can save them, but because it can open a door to the heart of the one offering forgiveness whether the person who needs to repent is wiling to do so or not.
I have no power to set you free from your pain, but Jesus does and He is knocking at your door hoping you will let Him in so He can Love you the way you've always been wanting to be loved.
Like I said earlier...following Christ is no easy road, but it is the most freeing, the most Truthful and the most fulfilling relationship I have ever had and I am in Love. I don't ever want to go back to the way it was. I just want to spend more and more time with the Lover of my soul and the Savior of my life.
May Jesus reveal His Love and power to you in every way you need it today.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
A Step Off The Soapbox Testimony
I reread my own post entitled A Time To Reject Acceptance because it was brought to my attention that it may have come across as self righteous or even pious. That was not at all my intention, but since intentions are mostly worthless when someone feels hurt I am going to attempt to make reparations in the only way I know how. I'm going to spill some more guts so that my readers can get a better idea of where I am coming from.
Any spiritual convictions I hold have been learned through trial and error, and error, and error. What I believe and how I use scripture is based on my experiences with it and not just head knowledge. I grew up in the Christian culture and I nearly killed myself trying to be a Christian. Then I nearly killed myself trying to get away from Christianity. If I say I am a Christian it is to identify myself as a Jesus Christ lover. I wouldn't call myself a Christian anymore if I realized how overused that title is and how much it has lost its authenticity.
I am in Love with Jesus. What does that mean? It means I know I'm hopeless without Him and I want to know Him so that I can want to live instead of wanting to die. I wanted to die for 11 years before I finally realized that Jesus is everything He claims to be and everything I ever hoped He was. I was a Christian for 21 years without ever realizing He loved me. It was all in my head and I was still dying in my soul.
Would it help you to understand if I told you I was raped when I was 5 years old? Would it help you to understand if I said that that act of violence impregnated me with a fear so intense that I am still fighting to get free? It grew inside me and attached itself to every aspect of my life until I was so consumed I couldn't function and grow like a normal child/adolescent/young adult. Would it help you to understand that everything i experienced in life was seen through that filter of fear and I thought the only way to escape it was to kill myself? But I couldn't even do that in peace because then I'd go to hell, right? I was tormented by the fear of life and trapped by the fear of the afterlife.
If you are still reading you are doing more than most would want to because no one wants to hear about this kind of pain unless its glamorized in a thriller or horror film with clever and compelling cinematography and music.
This was my life until I realized the One I was running from was the One who wanted to save me. The One I thought had rejected me was actually the One who was rejected by me and His own Father in order that He would never have to reject me. He was still there when I came running back like the prodigal that I was. He was waiting and He was ready to lay out a feast, but all I wanted was to eat with the servants and be hired help. I just wanted a place in His household...the barn was enough.
So, I still didn't embrace Him the way I wanted to for three years because the shame was so paralyzing. But He didn't give up. He listened to my cries for help and even when it seemed He was not even answering my very godly prayers, He was. It was gradual at first, but I began to heal, feel and enjoy life again.
I began wanting to worship and praise Him because for the first time I FELT He was worthy. He always was worthy, but I couldn't see it through the pain and despair. All I knew was that I couldn't perceive Him and He must not care. He does care!!! He Loved me before I was raped and He loved me after I was raped and He loved me when I ran away and now He is Loving me as I heal.
You know how when you have a physical injury. It hurts and then it goes numb so you can cope until you can get help. Then it hurts again when the shock chemicals ware off so that you know what needs to be done and then it hurts to clean it out and stitch it up. Then it starts itching when it begins to heal and finally it heals completely. Well, I am at the itchy/burning stage. Sometimes it still hurts, but mostly it itches to let me know I am healing.
Some of you may be asking why I am sharing all this with everyone. I don't think I even know if I have a good explanation for that. I just feel compelled to share my story. I just want others to know there is hope. I just want others to know that Jesus is HOPE! Jesus is LOVE! Jesus is SALVATION, not just from hell, but from a life of purposelessness and bondage to sin.
Everything I blog about is because of that belief. Everything I get on my soapbox about is because of my passion for Truth. Jesus is THE TRUTH!
I don't have it all figured out. I don't live in perfect peace and bliss like I've arrived. That's why I blog about my struggle with anxiety and my questions for God. When I come to a new understanding I post a blog that may sound like I have it figured out, but I may learn tomorrow that I have it all wrong. Until then I am confident of my new revelation of Truth.
I am happy when people challenge the ideas that I post. I may get hurt a little if I am accused of being self righteous or whatever else, but I welcome it because I don't know how else to hold this one way conversation without feedback, be it positive or negative.
I don't know how to be anymore real than this. If I were truly self righteous I would think I would be trying to portray myself in a more glorious light. I would want people to think I was good and free of struggle and sin. I'm not! I am just free now to be human and live abundantly in Christ.
Am I making any sense at all? Or am I just going on and on about nothing?
I find it relieving just to get the thoughts out in written words. Even if this doesn't benefit anyone else. I have benefited by having shared my thoughts with anyone interested in reading them.
Thank you for reading and maybe even commenting.
Jesus bless you always!
Any spiritual convictions I hold have been learned through trial and error, and error, and error. What I believe and how I use scripture is based on my experiences with it and not just head knowledge. I grew up in the Christian culture and I nearly killed myself trying to be a Christian. Then I nearly killed myself trying to get away from Christianity. If I say I am a Christian it is to identify myself as a Jesus Christ lover. I wouldn't call myself a Christian anymore if I realized how overused that title is and how much it has lost its authenticity.
I am in Love with Jesus. What does that mean? It means I know I'm hopeless without Him and I want to know Him so that I can want to live instead of wanting to die. I wanted to die for 11 years before I finally realized that Jesus is everything He claims to be and everything I ever hoped He was. I was a Christian for 21 years without ever realizing He loved me. It was all in my head and I was still dying in my soul.
Would it help you to understand if I told you I was raped when I was 5 years old? Would it help you to understand if I said that that act of violence impregnated me with a fear so intense that I am still fighting to get free? It grew inside me and attached itself to every aspect of my life until I was so consumed I couldn't function and grow like a normal child/adolescent/young adult. Would it help you to understand that everything i experienced in life was seen through that filter of fear and I thought the only way to escape it was to kill myself? But I couldn't even do that in peace because then I'd go to hell, right? I was tormented by the fear of life and trapped by the fear of the afterlife.
If you are still reading you are doing more than most would want to because no one wants to hear about this kind of pain unless its glamorized in a thriller or horror film with clever and compelling cinematography and music.
This was my life until I realized the One I was running from was the One who wanted to save me. The One I thought had rejected me was actually the One who was rejected by me and His own Father in order that He would never have to reject me. He was still there when I came running back like the prodigal that I was. He was waiting and He was ready to lay out a feast, but all I wanted was to eat with the servants and be hired help. I just wanted a place in His household...the barn was enough.
So, I still didn't embrace Him the way I wanted to for three years because the shame was so paralyzing. But He didn't give up. He listened to my cries for help and even when it seemed He was not even answering my very godly prayers, He was. It was gradual at first, but I began to heal, feel and enjoy life again.
I began wanting to worship and praise Him because for the first time I FELT He was worthy. He always was worthy, but I couldn't see it through the pain and despair. All I knew was that I couldn't perceive Him and He must not care. He does care!!! He Loved me before I was raped and He loved me after I was raped and He loved me when I ran away and now He is Loving me as I heal.
You know how when you have a physical injury. It hurts and then it goes numb so you can cope until you can get help. Then it hurts again when the shock chemicals ware off so that you know what needs to be done and then it hurts to clean it out and stitch it up. Then it starts itching when it begins to heal and finally it heals completely. Well, I am at the itchy/burning stage. Sometimes it still hurts, but mostly it itches to let me know I am healing.
Some of you may be asking why I am sharing all this with everyone. I don't think I even know if I have a good explanation for that. I just feel compelled to share my story. I just want others to know there is hope. I just want others to know that Jesus is HOPE! Jesus is LOVE! Jesus is SALVATION, not just from hell, but from a life of purposelessness and bondage to sin.
Everything I blog about is because of that belief. Everything I get on my soapbox about is because of my passion for Truth. Jesus is THE TRUTH!
I don't have it all figured out. I don't live in perfect peace and bliss like I've arrived. That's why I blog about my struggle with anxiety and my questions for God. When I come to a new understanding I post a blog that may sound like I have it figured out, but I may learn tomorrow that I have it all wrong. Until then I am confident of my new revelation of Truth.
I am happy when people challenge the ideas that I post. I may get hurt a little if I am accused of being self righteous or whatever else, but I welcome it because I don't know how else to hold this one way conversation without feedback, be it positive or negative.
I don't know how to be anymore real than this. If I were truly self righteous I would think I would be trying to portray myself in a more glorious light. I would want people to think I was good and free of struggle and sin. I'm not! I am just free now to be human and live abundantly in Christ.
Am I making any sense at all? Or am I just going on and on about nothing?
I find it relieving just to get the thoughts out in written words. Even if this doesn't benefit anyone else. I have benefited by having shared my thoughts with anyone interested in reading them.
Thank you for reading and maybe even commenting.
Jesus bless you always!
Friday, January 22, 2010
A Time To Reject Acceptance
I woke up at 3:45 this morning because I had a dream about someone and felt the need to pray for them. Knowing I couldn't get back to sleep right away I got online and checked my email. I posted on Facebook about how I got a massage to relieve some anxiety and how I think I should create an arsenal of anti-anxiety activities to help reduce my need for medication eventually. I thought my post was pretty straight forward and honest, but full of hope for a better future based on healthy choices.
The comments I received caught me off guard and I had a rather intense internal reaction. The comments were, I think, supposed to be encouraging, but I got very defensive. They said I needed to practice acceptance as found in the Serenity Prayer and give myself time to learn how to accept my struggle.
At first I was confused. For one, how did my post get confused with my not accepting my struggle. If I didn't accept it I would be trying to hide and avoid it. I am doing neither of those. I am very open about my struggle with anxiety and I am open to being prayed for and even convicted by God on the subject. After all, we are told to be anxious about nothing, but by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make our requests known to God and the peace that surpasses all understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Phil 4:6). Where is the acceptance of anxiety in that scripture?
I felt very defensive and I asked God why I was so upset over what my loved one said. He reminded me of something my sister has been sharing with me. We are complete and whole in Christ, we don't have to accept anything that is less than His best for us. What does this mean?
If I am suffering because of my own sin, or the sin someone else inflicted on me, am I to accept that this suffering is from God with resignation? I think NOT!!!
Suffering, I do not believe, is from God. Suffering is a product of the fall. It is a symptom of this world and the affects of sin. God does not make us suffer. Jesus came to free us from our sin and the affects of sin.
What about all the verses about taking up our cross and suffering with Christ? (Luke 9:23) YES! What about that?
Jesus Christ promised us we would have trouble in this life and that we would most definitely suffer. (John 16:33) He even expects us to suffer with Him(Romans 8:17) in order that we may die to ourselves and come to understand life in Him.(1 Peter 4:1-2) He asks us to rejoice in our sufferng and not lose sight of our faith because it is suffering that produces perseverance which produces character and character brings hope that will not disappoint us because it is based on Jesus Christ.(Romans 5:3-5) But, where in the Bible does it say that God is inflicting us with suffering. From my study of scripture, and I am no scholar, I find that Jesus is in the business of freeing us from our sin and the affects of sin. He has done EVERYTHING to provide for us to live abundantly.(John 3:16, 1Peter 1:3)
STAY WITH ME HERE. I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CONTRADICTORY, BUT I THINK IT WILL BECOME CLEARER AS I CONTINUE.
If you choose to believe that God is the one causing your suffering, who are you going to run to for comfort? I agree that God, in His infinite wisdom and omniscience, allows suffering and even works through suffering to mold us into His image, but I do NOT believe He orchestrates the horrors this life throws at us. The world, our flesh and the devil are good enough at that. "It is for freedom that Christ came to set us free". (Galations 5:1)
I do not accept my anxiety in the sense that I can never be free of it and therefore must learn to live with it. My suffering is temporary. It is there to do His work in me and when the work is complete the need for the suffering will be gone.
What about those who suffer their whole lives with incurable diseases and conditions?
I don't have all the answers, but I believe many people are not healed because they don't even ask. (James 4:2) For those who do ask and believe in faith, but don't receive healing I know that God has a greater purpose in their suffering than we humans can see. Joni Earickson Tada comes to mind. She is a faith filled Christian who happens to be a quadriplegic. She has prayed many times to be healed and yet remains paralyzed. You may say she has accepted her condition in the sense that she knows she cannot control it or change it, but IS it God's will for her to be paralyzed. I don't believe that. I believe God desires that Joni be free to run an dance like me. It is because our spirits are confined to human tents in a world that is temporarily ruled by the prince of the power of the air-the enemy of our soul- that we suffer.(Ephesians 2:2 KJV) What is so great is that Jesus has overcome the world. (John 16:33) He can use Joni's condition and suffering to reach others with His love. Joni suffers to be made whole in Christ through submission, but she suffers also to be used by God to draw others to Christ. She accepts that.
What I am suggesting is that we do not accept blindly what God has every desire, power and authority to set us free from. I am certain that God desires me to not be anxious and that He has the power and authority to set me free from it as I abide in Him and allow His Love to cast out my fear.(1 John4:18) That is a process. Maybe even a lifelong one, I don't know.
Suffering is not God's desire for us, but sometimes it happens because we live on earth and not in glory with Him yet. He can take it away in a split second. He can move our mountain with our grain of mustard seed faith at anytime. (Matthew 17:20) When He doesn't it is perfectly natural to be disturbed by what we are experiencing. God grieves over our suffering as much as we do, even more, because He knows how it was supposed to be before sin entered the world.(John 11:35)
When I say to reject the acceptance of suffering I am saying that resigning to it feels like the wrong attitude. "Oh this is just God's will for me and I have to accept that I will never be free of this in this life." What a slap in the face to the God who rejected His own Son and watched Him tortured and killed to offer us freedom, healing and wholeness. (Romans 5:10, 1 Peter 2:24)
Then why isn't every Christian free of suffering? Why does God tell us that it is good to suffer with Him? "For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who Love Him and are called according to His purpose."(Romans 8:28)
I searched the concordance and even though my search was not completed I got the impression that there is no scripture to back up the acceptance of suffering. There is plenty of scripture to back up the endurance and perseverance and trusting of God within suffering. What is the difference? Attitude and motivation. Acceptance can be freeing if it compels us to trust Jesus more, but if it just causes us to become complacent, bitter, angry and distant from the God, who wants to bless us through it, than acceptance is a pit.
So, if acceptance makes you trust Jesus more in your suffering than by all means please accept it, but if it is being used as an excuse to not apply faith and take hold of the Hand that can lead you out into the promised land (1 John 2:25) than I suggest rejecting acceptance. Eternal life starts in this life.
I do not accept my suffering with anxiety, but I rest in Jesus as He walks me through this valley to the other side where I'll never fear again- be it in this life or the next. (Psalm 23)
Perhaps this all comes down to semantics in the end. I often struggle with others choice of words and my interpretation of it. If this is the case, I apologize for any confusion.
Jesus bless You with the joy of His Presence in suffering and in peaceful time.
The comments I received caught me off guard and I had a rather intense internal reaction. The comments were, I think, supposed to be encouraging, but I got very defensive. They said I needed to practice acceptance as found in the Serenity Prayer and give myself time to learn how to accept my struggle.
At first I was confused. For one, how did my post get confused with my not accepting my struggle. If I didn't accept it I would be trying to hide and avoid it. I am doing neither of those. I am very open about my struggle with anxiety and I am open to being prayed for and even convicted by God on the subject. After all, we are told to be anxious about nothing, but by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make our requests known to God and the peace that surpasses all understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Phil 4:6). Where is the acceptance of anxiety in that scripture?
I felt very defensive and I asked God why I was so upset over what my loved one said. He reminded me of something my sister has been sharing with me. We are complete and whole in Christ, we don't have to accept anything that is less than His best for us. What does this mean?
If I am suffering because of my own sin, or the sin someone else inflicted on me, am I to accept that this suffering is from God with resignation? I think NOT!!!
Suffering, I do not believe, is from God. Suffering is a product of the fall. It is a symptom of this world and the affects of sin. God does not make us suffer. Jesus came to free us from our sin and the affects of sin.
What about all the verses about taking up our cross and suffering with Christ? (Luke 9:23) YES! What about that?
Jesus Christ promised us we would have trouble in this life and that we would most definitely suffer. (John 16:33) He even expects us to suffer with Him(Romans 8:17) in order that we may die to ourselves and come to understand life in Him.(1 Peter 4:1-2) He asks us to rejoice in our sufferng and not lose sight of our faith because it is suffering that produces perseverance which produces character and character brings hope that will not disappoint us because it is based on Jesus Christ.(Romans 5:3-5) But, where in the Bible does it say that God is inflicting us with suffering. From my study of scripture, and I am no scholar, I find that Jesus is in the business of freeing us from our sin and the affects of sin. He has done EVERYTHING to provide for us to live abundantly.(John 3:16, 1Peter 1:3)
STAY WITH ME HERE. I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CONTRADICTORY, BUT I THINK IT WILL BECOME CLEARER AS I CONTINUE.
If you choose to believe that God is the one causing your suffering, who are you going to run to for comfort? I agree that God, in His infinite wisdom and omniscience, allows suffering and even works through suffering to mold us into His image, but I do NOT believe He orchestrates the horrors this life throws at us. The world, our flesh and the devil are good enough at that. "It is for freedom that Christ came to set us free". (Galations 5:1)
I do not accept my anxiety in the sense that I can never be free of it and therefore must learn to live with it. My suffering is temporary. It is there to do His work in me and when the work is complete the need for the suffering will be gone.
What about those who suffer their whole lives with incurable diseases and conditions?
I don't have all the answers, but I believe many people are not healed because they don't even ask. (James 4:2) For those who do ask and believe in faith, but don't receive healing I know that God has a greater purpose in their suffering than we humans can see. Joni Earickson Tada comes to mind. She is a faith filled Christian who happens to be a quadriplegic. She has prayed many times to be healed and yet remains paralyzed. You may say she has accepted her condition in the sense that she knows she cannot control it or change it, but IS it God's will for her to be paralyzed. I don't believe that. I believe God desires that Joni be free to run an dance like me. It is because our spirits are confined to human tents in a world that is temporarily ruled by the prince of the power of the air-the enemy of our soul- that we suffer.(Ephesians 2:2 KJV) What is so great is that Jesus has overcome the world. (John 16:33) He can use Joni's condition and suffering to reach others with His love. Joni suffers to be made whole in Christ through submission, but she suffers also to be used by God to draw others to Christ. She accepts that.
What I am suggesting is that we do not accept blindly what God has every desire, power and authority to set us free from. I am certain that God desires me to not be anxious and that He has the power and authority to set me free from it as I abide in Him and allow His Love to cast out my fear.(1 John4:18) That is a process. Maybe even a lifelong one, I don't know.
Suffering is not God's desire for us, but sometimes it happens because we live on earth and not in glory with Him yet. He can take it away in a split second. He can move our mountain with our grain of mustard seed faith at anytime. (Matthew 17:20) When He doesn't it is perfectly natural to be disturbed by what we are experiencing. God grieves over our suffering as much as we do, even more, because He knows how it was supposed to be before sin entered the world.(John 11:35)
When I say to reject the acceptance of suffering I am saying that resigning to it feels like the wrong attitude. "Oh this is just God's will for me and I have to accept that I will never be free of this in this life." What a slap in the face to the God who rejected His own Son and watched Him tortured and killed to offer us freedom, healing and wholeness. (Romans 5:10, 1 Peter 2:24)
Then why isn't every Christian free of suffering? Why does God tell us that it is good to suffer with Him? "For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who Love Him and are called according to His purpose."(Romans 8:28)
I searched the concordance and even though my search was not completed I got the impression that there is no scripture to back up the acceptance of suffering. There is plenty of scripture to back up the endurance and perseverance and trusting of God within suffering. What is the difference? Attitude and motivation. Acceptance can be freeing if it compels us to trust Jesus more, but if it just causes us to become complacent, bitter, angry and distant from the God, who wants to bless us through it, than acceptance is a pit.
So, if acceptance makes you trust Jesus more in your suffering than by all means please accept it, but if it is being used as an excuse to not apply faith and take hold of the Hand that can lead you out into the promised land (1 John 2:25) than I suggest rejecting acceptance. Eternal life starts in this life.
I do not accept my suffering with anxiety, but I rest in Jesus as He walks me through this valley to the other side where I'll never fear again- be it in this life or the next. (Psalm 23)
Perhaps this all comes down to semantics in the end. I often struggle with others choice of words and my interpretation of it. If this is the case, I apologize for any confusion.
Jesus bless You with the joy of His Presence in suffering and in peaceful time.
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